Growing up, my parents were definitely on opposite ends of the spectrum with a lot of things. When I asked my Dad about going to the movies/ice skating/driving aimlessly around town, I always got the, "Go ask your Mother". In my house, as long as Mama was happy, things were okay. Except for the fact that the biggest thing my parents disagreed on was money. Ahh, the familiar money talk. We've all been there.
In my family, my Dad worked hard (read: long hours, lots of overtime, weekend work as well) as a foreman at an Eletrical Company. My dad is super-duper smart, but went to college for a couple of semesters and decided he'd rather work with his hands. My parents were married super young, didn't have a pot to pee in and had my sister right away (I've done the math, she's legit). By the time I came along, my parents bought their first house and were doing okay. Except for my Mom's nasty habit- spending. Seriously, my Mom spends money like it's going out of style. She was a mostly stay-at-home Mom, teaching dance a few nights a week interspersed with some aerobics instructing. She made enough money for some "blow me" cash and had that been it, all would have been well. Except that she had a penchant for the "checkbook" (which seems so comical to me now..) and well, 90% of the fights in my house growing up were because she spent too much money.
I will readily admit that my Dad is a bit "frugal". Don't get me wrong- if my sister or I needed bailing out- no problem. A family at our church couldn't keep the heat on during the winter? My Dad wordlessly slipped them a check after service. My Dad has been more generous on the QT that I'm sure I can even imagine. That being said, does not mean that he didn't drive to THREE grocery stores each week because there was TP on sale at one store, steak at another and diet pepsi at a third.
I think I ended up somewhere in the middle of the spectrum in regards to finance. Clearly, I'm not driving across town to get a better deal on diet pepsi (however, I won't buy if it's not on sale) but I'm also not throwing hard earned money away on a bunch of crap at TJ Maxx that I'll wear once. I do have a real love of Tory Burch shoes and today I am wearing them along with my $60 Liz Lange maternity outfit from Target.
One thing my dad did teach me was that credit card debt = bad. Credit card delinquency= really bad. He bailed me out a few times post college and while that didn't mean I still didn't blow my weekly check from that god awful engineering firm, I just was doing it directly out of my checking account and when it was gone, it was gone. Thank you, Dad.
When I met M, we lived pretty lavishly. After all, he was a single guy who had spent a year overseas as a government contractor in a pretty volitaile country. Hazard pay, anyone? There wasn't much we thought about in regards to spending. We figured that exorbinant amount of money would *cough* last us forever. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So we ate out. We had an amazing million course meal at the Inn at Little Washington, meeting Chef O'Connell afterwards. We shopped. I bought Louboutin shoes. We tripped. Nothing like a little around the world jaunt to London and then diving in the Maldives. Sure, we weren't flying first class or staying at the Ritz, but life was pretty damn good.
Then we got engaged. I have a lovely, lovely diamond. And then we decided to have a New Year's Eve Wedding. In a market like DC. My Dad wrote us a generous check that covered about.. oh.. 20% of the wedding? In a nutshell, by the time we had our crazy wedding.. in DC.. on New Year's... with transportation for all of our guests... and the neatest martini bar you've ever seen.. and fireworks... we were, uh, broke.
Gone was the ING account with all those digits. We had some *cough five digit* credit card debt. We had a bit of a come to Jesus moment. We both have good, stable, well-paying jobs. But we also live a stone's throw from the city in a 100 year old house with a real backyard. We have a mortgage the size of a small country's GDP. The beginning was tough. Like, really, really tough. Like, why is he screaming at me because I bought a new pair of Tory Burches? I realized quickly that I didn't want to end up like my sister- hiding her purchases from her then-husband by using three different credit cards in addition to some cash she'd squirrled away for one transaction at TJ Maxx. I got on board. It was tough. Our eating out became a once or twice a month thing at a bar we loved down the street from our house. Happy hours were now on our back deck. I resigned myself to the fact that I'd be driving my 2005 VW bug for quite a while. I rediscovered a new wardrobe in my closet.
It sucked, kinda, but once we got used to it, it wasn't so bad. We managed in a year to pay off the credit card debt. While it would have been impossible to do just on our paychecks alone, we found out that you can take a loan against your 401K and pay YOURSELF back the interest at a much lower rate (typically 4.5%) instead of paying the credit card company 20% APR and a piece of your soul. We still have to be super careful. Of course, then I got knocked up and you start looking at DC daycare costs and realize we are going to have to be a LOT more careful.
I did take away from my Dad the love of planning out grocery shopping trips. We really only patronize one store (because every dollar you spend translates into a certain discount on gas) and just don't buy things that aren't on sale that week. I do look through the coupons and if we use something, I clip it. Even better if that item is on sale AND I have a coupon. Better in my pocket than the store's, right?
Sunday night, we made a mad dash to the store to stock up for the week. (We bring our lunches to work at least four days each week) We've started doing a lot of cooking on Sundays so that we have things for lunches and quick dinners- since I am a cranky, hungry pregnant woman who does not need dinner to take 3 hours to be cooked when I get home. I had some coupons for some new items and since the coupons were less than a dollar, they would be doubled. I noticed the fiber one brownies were on sale for $2.50. With my .75 coupon that would be double, I'd be getting those suckers for $1.00. I figured they'd be a good snack... and what pregnant lady couldn't use a little more fiber in her diet?
My Mom and sister have a severe reaction to fiber one granola bars. Like, they shit just looking at them. I've never had that problem and couldn't relate. Until I ate a brownie with lunch. The thing is TINY. I mean, really, really little. It was a little chalky, but I'm pretty versed in the world of diet food and thought it was an acceptable treat.
Fast foward an hour. I suddenly REALLY needed to go to the bathroom. I have a serious thing against doing this at work.. I can count the number of times that I've you-know-number-twoed at work on one hand. I basically have to be crapping myself. This, my friends, was one of those times.
No real biggie- I've spent the majority of my pregnancy having the opposite problem so I roll with it. Feeling okay. I head down to the gym after work and during my time in spin class, I have the worst trapped gas pains. I just want to clarify trapped gas pain- like.. from the bottom of my belly all the way up to my throat. Intense pain. Squeezing. Can't take a deep breath. If this was the first time this had happened to me, I'd probably be panicked and think I was in labor. But I've been cursed with this situation many times in my life before and manage to survive the class. The drive home is brutal. I manage to lay on my stomach in a hot (warm, in case my OB is reading) bath and still no relief. I decide to take a half a unisom (completely safe in pregnancy and actually used for morning sickness) and knock myself out to get some relief. I text message M (who always works late on Tuesdays) and say, "Did a little research. Fiber one brownies are notorious for debilitating stomach pains. I'm not sure Bertha and I are going to make it. I apologize in advance for farting on you in my sleep tonight".
According to M, I do not fart in my sleep. Which makes perfect sense because wouldn't ya know? I wake up with the SAME DAMN PAINS this morning.
They are beginning to subside. I double checked with my doctor because I am a good little patient and have pledged to stop being a Google Dr. She laughs at me and asks what I ate yesterday. She stops me after whole-grain high fiber tortilla, grapes, apple and fiber one brownie. She laughs even harder. She said basically that I ate a week's worth of fiber in a matter of hours and she's surprised I can walk and talk.
Moral of this story: Don't buy something just because it's on sale and you have a coupon. The results can be really shitty. :)
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